In the autumn of 2024, my parents gave me these old school reports. A glimpse into a period of my life I’d largely forgotten. They have been sitting in a keepsake box in their attic ever since. I’m glad they kept them safe for all these years, as left to me, I would have probably thrown them long ago, or burnt them in the garden in a ritualistic ceremony with voodoo dolls and effigies.
But here they are….. and even looking at them a good 42-46 years later, they made me nervous.
I was immediately transported back to a time when I would feel my stomach churn at the thought of having to navigate myself through a difficult conversation with my mum and dad at the end of each term…
Once I’d got over those feelings, I sat down and read the lot…what struck me most was the personal style of these reports, along with the fact they were all handwritten. Almost all of them are thoughtful, honest and neat!
Having spent decades working with computers and keyboards, it had completely slipped my mind that all of these reports were painstakingly penned by the teachers, some in biro, but others in more stylish ink. I should imagine there is a lot of ‘copy and paste’ going on these days, and stricter limits on what can and can’t be said. A very different era.
Some of the entries were encouraging and subtle in style, like Mr Friend in 1979, who said, “Lawrence is inclined to mischief and would be wise to curb these tendencies…”, whilst other comments were simply brutal, such as Mrs Collison in 1981 who said “I find him immature, overbearing, and arrogant…” OUCH! Mr Stafford even went on to say that year “This is one of the most disappointing fourth year reports I have ever had to read”. Indeed, over the five years there is hardly a teacher who at some point hadn’t flagged their concerns over my attitude, poor attention, awful behaviour, lack of concentration, effort and so on… There is no denying that I must have been an absolute pain in the proverbial to both teachers and class mates alike. Reading these reports, it appears that I treated school between some sort of grandiose social club and an open prison. Unable to settle, talkative, disruptive, easily distracted and often in trouble. I was obviously not happy with the serious “learning” part of school, but I loved sport, being particularly good at running.
Perhaps I was on some sort of neurodivergent spectrum, who knows, back then we didn’t have labels or diagnosis for the stuff we’re more familiar with nowadays.
I guess my first year report was OK but thereafter, they became increasingly disappointing. The gap between my potential and actual performance grew wider each year, and there is a sense of urgency as the real-world loomed ever closer. Prospects were different back then; very few of us at Mellow Lane got to experience university in the 1980’s, so getting decent grades at school was an absolute must.
By the fifth year there was a sense of resignation that I was a lost cause!
My parents, who knew all too well what was going on, did their very best to keep me on the straight and narrow, even joining the PTA in order to get closer to what I was up to and prevent a total crash and burn.
They used both carrot and stick with me and it’s fair to say that I had no shortage of “groundings” at home.
Unlike the relatively cushy life that I was experiencing in our modern council house in leafy Hillingdon, my parents had been brought up in the post war era of London’s East End. They had left a much harsher world behind in Bethnal Green (my nan grew up in a workhouse); so my parents knew exactly what I was potentially throwing away.
Over the years I’ve often thought that schools are ideal for, a certain ‘type’ of pupil; those in the middle of a multifaceted, multidimensional set of bell-curves tend to do well. Those on the ends, or with specific needs tend to struggle. I think was near the end – but luckily not at the extreme.
I was never expelled, but came close to it on a number of occasions. I was suspended once, and put “on report” numerous times, and I’ve lost count of the times I spent stood in a corridor waiting for the bell to ring, trying to avoid eye contact with other teachers walking past.
I very clearly didn’t help myself! However, I don’t think I was entirely alone given some of the comments from ex pupils on a number of social media school groups, where I can see others followed a similar path… Large underfunded, understaffed and poorly equipped comprehensive schools like Mellow Lane generally found it hard to deal with difficult kids.
Looking back, especially after reading these reports, I can now see that the teachers I despised the most at the time were probably the ones who were trying their hardest to help.
As it turns out, and after predictably screwing up sixth form and, arguably, my first career, I did eventually mature, knuckle down and get serious at work. Apart from a few hiccups, I eventually became moderately successful in my chosen career and profession. However, things could have been very different had I ventured down another path… I got lucky I guess.
So, I thought I’d share this collection of reports (but not all of their excruciatingly painful content), along with my thoughts and offer an open apology to the teachers and classmates who had to endure my insufferable behaviour back then.
If you fall into either of those categories, “Sorry”