—- The Beginning —-
I initially met Abi in early 2001 at a work conference in London, it signalled the end of my first marriage which was already heading for the rocks. We had a whirlwind of a start, which grew into a close friendship so after several months we decided to make a more permanent go of things. Abi lived in Southampton, and so that’s where I ended up.
We enjoyed an amazing time together, especially in those early days. I introduced her to things like festivals and skiing, she introduced me to the world of performing arts and life in Southampton.
In 2005 we brought Nathaniel into the world, or Natty as he is known, and became one of life’s modern complex and extended families.
Life back then was pretty fantastic, my daughters came down most weekends and I had a great career which was extremely well paid and gave us a great lifestyle. This allowed Abi to give up work for over a decade to focus on raising Natty. Abi’s parents bought a “holiday” house next door which they used when visiting the UK (with a little help of a mortgage from me), my parents lived just along the coast, and one of my daughters came to live with us so she could go to a sixth form college in Winchester. So all was looking good – for a while at least…
Around 2015 Abi went back to work in a part time job working for one of my best friends in his physiotherapists business but after a decade and a half of success, my career started to plateau, and over the next few years I had a couple of false starts in new jobs, and a couple of bad judgement calls.
In early 2017 we decided to get married, so at the age of 12, Natty became my best man at a civil ceremony that had all of our parents, children and siblings attend. This included Johannes, Abi’s dad, who was in the final stages of battling cancer. Unfortunately he died only a few weeks after.
—- The Middle —-
The home Abi and I shared in Southampton was a bit of a party house with the door always open. We had some amazing neighbours and made some fantastic friends, many of whom remain in touch.
The early years were dominated by our kids, with Abi stepping up to become a step-mum to my girls as well as loving mum to our son.
We had a lot of fun together and I look back on our time together, including the many parties, festivals, high days and holidays with nothing but happiness. Over the years we did a lot to the house together to turn it into a wonderful home with a special resonance. It became more than simply bricks and mortar.
—- The End —-
Abi has an incredible talent for acting, performing for a number of local theatrical groups. I was amazed and incredibly proud of this skill, and was never quite able to fathom how she did it – I am far too self conscious and don’t possess the ability nor retentive memory needed.
However, everything came to an abrupt end six months after our marriage…
Following my return from a stint on the farm in Tenerife, and taking on a new job that didn’t work out – Abi decided to take a new path without me. She met someone else whilst rehearsing for a play (A Day in the Death of Jo Egg) so that was the end of that!
These things happen, and I really couldn’t complain given how we’d initially met back in 2001. Karma had well and truly paid me a visit!
With hindsight the separation was exactly the right thing for both of us, although I didn’t see it at the time – C’est la vie. I’d hoped Abi was as having a “Strictly Come Dancing moment” but it was deeper than that… Abi had her reasons for changing direction, and I fully accepted them. The counselling we had shortly after helped me to understand that! So time for a change – no matter how upsetting.
We ended up having a “collaborative” divorce (which I would recommend by the way to anyone going through a divorce) which meant no acrimony or bitterness, just a couple of meetings with our respective solicitors and it was all done. We had three objectives; i) to divorce without argument and trauma, ii) to keep legal costs to a minimal, iii) try to remain friends at the end of it.
I think we achieved that…
It was an incredibly turbulent time for our son, Natty, who over a short 6-9 month period saw his grandad pass away, father’s career stutter (leaving two jobs in short succession), parents marry, separate and then divorce. His home was sold, along with the farm in Tenerife that he’d known all his life. That’s enough change and stress for anyone, let alone a 12 year old! The girls, although quite a bit older, would have been equally worried and traumatised by the news, as they’d spent most of their life growing up with Christine and Abi, both of who played a major role in their up-bringing. Lauren had lived with us for two years whilst going to sixth form college, and both her and Sarah had spent most weekends with us since they were 7 and 8 years old. So the kids became the main focus of attention and drove the communications and decisions we made both immediately and over the following months – even years. Apart from a very small group of close friends, no one knew the true reason for our separation for years – including my family – generating calm waters and avoiding bitterness was all that mattered.
Now, given the passage of time, the reasons why Abi decided to call and end to our marriage is not important. These things happen and what’s important is that I am now living a great life and she has found happiness (just don’t say that in a French accent – joke!).
Did we get it right, I hope so, time will tell.
Abi is now living with a her new fella in a new house they bought together, he’s a really nice chap and they are incredibly well suited, share a talent for acting and have many other common interests. We all get along nicely, even to the extent of sharing a coffee, beer or glass of wine whilst waiting for Natty to join me at weekends.
There’s no awkwardness, to the extent that when we bump into each other in a pub or elsewhere, we’ll share a drink and have a chat.
The next chapter in my life happened shortly afterward when, as a result of the turbulence I’d just experienced, things were about to take a turn for the better…